I needed a visa. The reason I didn't fly into Guinea-Bissau, but rather Dakar, Senegal was because I needed a visa and I couldn't get one stateside (more on this in another post). Flying into Senegal meant I would need to take a taxi down to Gabu, Guinea-Bissau. Let me rephrase that - not 'a' taxi but 8 taxi's. This does not include the drive me around taxi's Roy and I used to run some errands. Most of these 8 (6 I believe) were what is known as 'set plus' - meaning seven place. Each taxi had room for 7 passengers. The cars were about the size of a subaru wagon with a third seat bolted in back to give them an extra row of seating. As you can imagine not a very comfortable ride. Especially when traveling for hours on end. When I say hours, I mean hours. We left Tuesday afternoon and arrived Thursday morning. The majority of that time spent in a taxi, knees together up in your chest, shoulders wedged. Your ass gets tired from sitting on such a hard seat and muscles ache from not being constricted for so long.

Riding in the taxi is only 1/3 of the experience. There is negotiating the price for the taxi which always takes an inordinate amount of time. As soon as you walk into the tax depot 10 people walk up to speaking very loudly, gesturing wildly and asking you in multiple languages where you are going. They explain they have the best taxi and it will only cost you X amount of franks cefa. The first price is usually outrageous. Three to four times what you should pay. The first round through Roy did most of the negotiating, which I took notes from. Negotiating, it seems is a way of life, they love it, it means your doing "business." Here's some tips I picked up for negotiating taxis in Africa:

• don't let anyone take your bags to their cab, if you do you most likely riding with them
• employ some phrase in some affect of " don't want to pay the white man tax" or "just because I have white skin doesn't mean I should pay more"
• say what you will pay and stare off into the distance ignoring what they are saying (this one I learned from the natives)
• have what you are willing to pay in cash in your hand
• walk away
• try to use logic when adding up the total price (this may or may not work)

On that last bit of advice. At the taxi depot in Bissau on our way home we got their in the late afternoon and getting 7 people to fill a taxi may or may not happen. The price was 4,900 fc to go from Bissau to Zingchor, and on the way the taxi is loaded on a ferry and then you continue. Only the ferry is broken so the taxi can only take you to the ferry crossing. So why pay all the way to the ferry crossing? You just do. We were assured we get the difference in the money back at the crossing. We asked how much to just the ferry crossing: 1,000 fc. One more guy came, so now there is three of us. After another 30 minutes no one else showed up and we said we would like to pay for the remaining seats on the taxi and to just be dropped off at the ferry crossing. Should be 7,000 fc right? 1,000 per seat time 7 seats. Wrong. The driver wanted more money. A total of 19,000 fc. Huh? That's right 1,000 times 7 is 19,000. Who knew. Empty seats cost a lot more for some reason. Even though the taxi will use less fuel you need more money. So we negotiated with driver through a friend I made for the next 30 minutes. Employing math, and what have you. Our friend Alliou agreed with us, but the driver wasn't having it. So finally after about 30 minutes we got the price down to 15,000 fc.

This was only one instance, most of the time I enjoyed the negotiating. It's part of the culture, the experience. However, when you've been traveling for 20+ hours in taxis, your tired, hungry and patience for negotiating just isn't there.

TIA.

Labels: africa

adam .:. 7:46 AM | link | Comments

Pictured here is Mordikiah (in back) and two of his brothers. Mordikiah and his siblings, of which, I think there is 6 in total, live down the dirt path from where I was staying/working. His father is gone to another country and mother works extremely hard to provide for her children. Often her work takes her away for weeks at a time letting the children fend for themselves. No supervision, little food if any. Mordikiah, 10 years old, to watch over the younger children. When Roy first arrived in January he hired Mordikiah to help out on his work around "the base." He would arrive every morning at 7:30 work for about 4 hours, eat lunch and then head off to school from 2-6pm.

I was/am utterly humbled by this child. Not so much because of his circumstances but because of how he lived. He would always make sure that myself, Roy, Keese, and Joanne were taken care of. Insisted in getting our food for us while we finished up our work and would save us a chair to sit in. After eating he would clear all the plates and wash them. If you tried to interrupt him, he would wave his finger, shake his head no and push back into your chair. A ten year old child.

Before starting to work for Roy he had no shoes, and after a few weeks he had saved enough to buy himself a new pair of sandals. He has two outfits and one is the school uniform he must wear for school. With a smile on his face this child was more servant hearted than anyone I have ever met. One night Matisse (a man in the camp) needed money to get to the next village over to visit his dad who was dying. He came to us to ask if we could help. Mordikiah was there and overhead. Later that evening Mordikiah got paid for the last couple days of work (600 fc or $1.20) and I watched him walk straight over to Matisse. With a smile and utter confidence he handed, what was most likely all the money he had over to Matisse.

adam .:. 7:39 AM | link | Comments

I'm back from working/visiting Africa and am in the process of adjusting to America. It's always strange coming back. Here's a couple photos:

adam .:. 9:43 PM | link | Comments

A little over a week ago I boarded a plane, after a 2 hour delay mind you, and began sweating. The plane was full to capacity I had a middle seat and the AC wasn't running because the engines hadn't been turned on. That's when the sweating began. And with the exception of the slight reprieve on the airplane after the AC kicked on, the sweating hasn't stopped. It is indeed hot here in Guinea-Bissau, Africa. Being here has more than sweat swimming around in my mind. It's strange to be blogging about it, but I find it's the easiest way to communicate since the internet is so slow I can't get Gmail to even load. I had some stomach problems since I landed so I'm a little off physically, which for those that know me puts me off mentally. (mom, if you read this don't worry -I'm fine)

Right now we're talking with Zacharias, from Sierra Leone, who says the film blood diamond is spot on. I passed through 3 countries to get to Guinea-Bissau, and the experience is much what you might expect and so much more.

I don't think I'm going to share too many stories as I'd like to keep those for a live telling. There are many layers to what i'm experiencing and some are somewhat difficult to process. All in all it's been a crazy eye opening adventure.

More later......................peace from Gabu, Guniea-Bissau.

adam .:. 2:11 PM | link | Comments

My impending trip is now less than a week away, and in conjunction time is moving fast. There is always that sense of wanting to lay to rest a certain list of things before embarking on a journey of any duration. Ah to lay to rest that list. Even if I don't, I will still board a plane on Sunday and life will move on. Despite the pressure I place on myself, I won't be flogged, or mistreated b/c I didn't accomplish everything. One thing I can't really cross of the list is Ironman training. I'm leaving for Guinea-Bissau in what is the supposed critical training time. How it will impact the race in June is left to be discovered. I have to admit I do fret over it a bit, b/c when race time goes I do want to have an allstar performance, but truly is there added value in that? Yes I could have staid behind and trained harder and better, but at a cost of not going to Africa and realizing some other goals I have. At the risk of not opening myself to something that will inevitably impact my life in more ways than I can foresee. In some ways, I want to stay and go through the routine of life. To further "establish" myself, my life, my place, but then again what does that mean. I also want to break out of routine to remind myself, that it's not about my routine or establishing my identity in what I do.

I find myself at an interesting intersection in life, always full of angst about "what I'm supposed" to do with my life - yet enjoying what I am doing with my life. As I read my current situation I find some interesting overlaps. It seems across the board I'm involved in either start-up ventures or organizations restructuring themselves and implementing new business strategies/models. In this moment I want to soak it all in and pay attention to the lessons at hand. I hope to some day be in a place where I can help others in starting ventures in this new world of ours and right now I'm in school. So, as much as I'd like to be doing that now, it seems patience is the order of the day.

Labels: life

adam .:. 11:17 PM | link | Comments

I booked a flight today to Guinea-Bissau. Well technically to Dakar, Senegal from which I'll take a 15 hour taxicab ride to Guinea-Bissau. I'm going to help my friend Roy, who I met in Sri Lanka, retrofit shipping containers into portable medical clinics. Should be an adventure. ;-)




My 25th birthday celebration in Sri Lanka.
(coco, me, roy)

Labels: traveling

adam .:. 9:49 PM | link | Comments

I'm in Seattle. I got here Tuesday. I leave here Sunday. Yesterday when I woke up I put on my blue and white Brooks, put my ears buds in and stepped out into the misting rain. Running is re-entering my life again and like a long lost friend it's good to get reacquainted. I welcomed the cool wet air. As I ran, I opened myself to get a sense of the Spirit here. The calm scenery invites you to enjoy life here, to get outside, to live in the physical manifestation of God. I feel like the invitation here is a subtle matter of embracing the warmth of God and carrying that warmth and light to the slightly subdued energy of this place. The sky and landscape call you to relax and enjoy, with some sense of a loss of intensity and knowing extent of light and dark. A middle ground with uncharted edges.

I look forward to exploring the city more.

adam .:. 8:42 AM | link | Comments

where was this when I went to college.

adam .:. 12:13 AM | link | Comments

Beneath the blanket of warm gray sky
moisture falls
The parched land forced to rest

it can only produce so much
for so long

Shoots and fruits have withered
the herds passed
all that remains are ghosts of life passed

it can only produce so much
for so long

it pines for lush green, flourishing life
pulling at all its resources
pushing, striving, and trying to be fertile

it's left barren
dusty and cracked

Beneath the blanket of warm gray sky
moisture falls
and light enters through each drop
the land bathes itself in eternity present
resting in the sky
resting in what holds its being together

Beneath the blanket of warm gray sky
rest weary wanderlust
rest passing pilgrim
rest earnest seeker
looking for life in odd doors
vintage windows
eclectic mixes
worn streets
and torn sheets

rest till the breath you breathe
penetrates the pulsing soul
evaporating the imposed veils of separation

rest until the air you swim in is
thick with the being of love

rest until you is we

Beneath the blanket of warm gray sky
rest.

adam .:. 4:44 PM | link | Comments

epIC. It only begins to describe the snow and boarding that occurred today. First, let's dream up the best day possible. To start there would be ample amounts of good dry powder, followed by little to no people on the mountain and the roads closed so no more could get into the resort. That would be ideal, the only thing that would be better would be to have the resort to yourself and couple dear friends. But baring that those three things would be perfect - and that was today.

I was the 9th chair to the top of the mountain this morning that I shared with about 70 other people who happened to be here. Coming down the fresh snow was like gliding down a cloud. Amazing.

After lunch I went back out to find that the rest of the frontside had been opened. Very Nice. Going up that lift I unstrapped my board and walked down the ridge to some chutes that not everyone knows about and found more great snow.

As I hiked I looked around at all the snow covered mountains and it was breathtaking. Seeing snow on mountains creates a stillness inside for me. Everything looks so peaceful and calm.
What a wonderful gift.

adam .:. 11:24 PM | link | Comments

Labels: kirkwood

adam .:. 10:56 PM | link | Comments

The alleged winter storm is no longer such, but rather a living entity outside my house. 50-60 mph winds and snow. So much storm the resort won't open today. Thank You for these good gifts. I'm heading out into the winter play-land. It enlivens me like nothing else.

adam .:. 11:40 AM | link | Comments

will I ever change. My mind is incessantly spinning. I lay down to sleep and thoughts rush through about vocation, about next steps, about people, about creativity workshops. The thinking doesn't seem to stop which in turn creates a restless spirit within me. Oh if I could only flip a switch, my mind is a guard often that keeps me from fully living in the moment. I'm constantly analyzing decisions trying to make the correct one, afraid to follow my instincts. It's a theme of my life. Will I ever change?

adam .:. 11:08 PM | link | Comments

I've been seeing a physical therapist for about 5 weeks now and as the weeks have progressed so has the health of my knee. It feels good. It feels good to have a pain free knee for hours at a time. An entire day - even if it was only one. Mostly it feels good to know that I'm pushing my body to limits where the muscle the size of an ipod comes into play. I like exploring the fringes of possibility. To see what doors open up and where the adventure will lead. Sometimes nowhere, sometimes to a place well explored and occasionally to something new.

Labels: body, exercise, human potential, life, reflections

adam .:. 2:15 PM | link | Comments

the tech issues continue to pour down, I have 3 notebooks open on my desk and my normal desktop that i use. stop.

adam .:. 4:24 PM | link | Comments

I played with Vista a couple times but today was first real experience trying to work with it. My opinion - it f*ing sucks. It seems that MS spent so much time making it "look cool" that they forgot it should function well too. The typology of menus, navigating the network connections, etc is ridiculous. I don't care how cool it looks, if it doesn't function well it's dead to me. I say this after having bought my first Mac and finding it very easy to navigate. Yes, there are annoying things and the Apple Exclusive Ecosystem bothers me. I hope Job et al start to learn to play with others or fear their explosion of fame may dwindle as quickly as it rose. All that said the using OS X is much easier then Vista.

Labels: mac os, technolog, vista

adam .:. 7:22 PM | link | Comments

Last week I spent a lot of time driving to the South Bay - too much if you ask me, but it did at least afford me time to think. As I drove home one evening it occurred to me that I have not been blogging, writing poetry or otherwise been creatively expressive of late. I also have not been able to run or cycle because of my knee and I made a connection. My running and cycling are truly meditative times where I'm able to let the mind go and simply be in what I'm doing. It recharges me and allows my body, soul and mind to be replenished. The absence of this time has affected my reflective time and hence my time where I would normally create. I've said it many times before (as have others), the integration of our being never ceases to amaze me. I always knew those times were special to me but I now have greater appreciation.

Tonight we had our annual budget share/money vulnerability as a community. No matter how much I curb my spending I feel like I spend too much and suck at following a budget. Even more so, I'm left feeling a little heavy in the chest b/c I see the direct correlation to vocation in this world. And my main means of making money, at the moment at least, is through computer support. Really?! Is that true? How did I end up here? Lately I've been trying to identify some good streams in this work; as I typically see it as impersonal, uncreative, and rote. I'm struggling. I'm feeling more and more that if I'm ever to jump off this train that I must do it now, this is the opportune time. So I strive to take lofty dreams of soup lounges, outdoor camps & some sort of guru/teacher into reality. I can see movement but its always slower and more convoluted than I hope.

Let it be.

Labels: life, reflections

adam .:. 7:33 PM | link | Comments

i've been doing a lot of computer geeking lately, I would say a little too much.

adam .:. 10:20 AM | link | Comments

it's snowing!!!!!

adam .:. 11:10 AM | link | Comments

My knee has still been giving me trouble and it seems that merely resting it is not enough. A few months ago I went online and looked up some exercises that would help re-balance the muscles in my leg and hopefully help with the knee problem. And that's all I did was look them up -- a few times I did actually do the exercises but physical therapy isn't as exciting as running or cycling and its a different mindset which I find difficult to embrace. I can be so disciplined physically when it's things I like to do or rather have been doing for a while but trying to engage in new activities takes a significant amount of inertia. Life seems to be that way, doing the things we know we need to do takes energy especially when they are foreign to us. In this case it's a slight shift, instead of running or cycling do PT and yet it's not easy to do that. It's easier to acquiesce and not do anything. For me it was a reminder of how easy it is to fall into patterns, ad the discipline and energy required to move forward. A process that is often painful and inevitably providing growth.

adam .:. 12:08 PM | link | Comments

Tropical storm Noel is heading for the Bahamas tonight and tomorrow, so it looks like I got out just in time. I finally did get out after being delayed 2 hours at the airport in Nassau and then having to run through the Fort Lauderdale airport. Here I sit in Denver getting ready to board the final flight home to SF. The sun in warming me through the large window looking out onto the tarmac and I can't wait to be back in Cali.

On the flight from Fort Lauderdale to here I began writing some reflections from the Soularize experience and if I can be discplined enough they will eek there way onto this blog, and continue my documentation of the event.

It ended yeterday with a round table discussion between Bishop Tom, Rita Brock and Father Richard Rohr. A great discussion on our orientation toward the cross, and the necessity to move into non-dualistic thinking. The degree to which these scholars know their material is inspiring to become more disciplined about life. Father Rohr brings with him a sense of presence to the moment and to the people that I admire and would strive for. No doubt his contemplative practices nurture that trait. Every other year he goes into hermitage for 40 days just to keep himself centered and in 5 years hopes to go into permanent hermitage spending all time with his maker.

Boarding has begun and I must go......

Labels: soularize, soularize07

adam .:. 12:56 PM | link | Comments

The facilitated workshops began today and there was no shortage of interesting topics being covered. NT Wright was covering material from his new book, Acts for Everyone, Rita was talking on recovering paradise, Michael on God and Evolution, and Frank Viola on a chronological look of the Pauline letters and how to they tie into the book of Acts. Unfortunately you can only be in one place at a time. Luckily all the material from the conference will be available in both video and audio download in a few weeks.

The main session had Rita talking about the shift of the primary image of Jesus from risen to dead. She pointed out that around the 10th century the art in the Christian world began changing and prominent image became that of Jesus on a cross rather than the risen Christ. She went on to elaborate about the cultural context in which this took, mainly a time when power and control were being sought in new ways and fear needed to be used as a tool. I was running some of recording equipment so I couldn't pay as close attention as I would have liked and will need to get a copy of the talk.

In the afternoon there was a great list of options, an art tour around the island with world renown artist John Cox, a long list of workshops, and many impromptu conversations. Mark and I led a workshop on our community in SF and quickly ran out of time as the dialogue was full of energy.

I could feel an invigorated energy in the air throughout the day and as I looked around I saw smiling faces engrossed in laughter and conversation. Soularize definitely pulls together a unique grouping of people from around country and world who are trying to navigate faith in ways that seem true and loving.

The day ended with 6 of us sitting down to dinner with Bishop Tom and his wife. One of the other unique qualities of this "conference" is the access to the speakers and their willingness to participate in not only their plenary sessions but to engage in the conversation as a whole.

Labels: soularize, soularize07

adam .:. 8:43 AM | link | Comments

The final setup and preparations were completed yesterday and today was the first day of the conference. We rose early to run down and pick up NT Wright and his wife and then headed down to the Wyndam Hotel where we boarded buses. Then we hopped on a ferry which took us to a private island where we engaged in conversation, met new friends, and swam in the crystal blue warmth. I encouraged my Danish friend Stefan to come out and try snorkeling and after a little coercing he did come out, and swallowed more than his share of salt water. I hoped he enjoyed the swim.

Afterward we headed down to New Providence Community Center and the evening session began. Local musician joined by conference facilitators led some music intersparsed with poetry by Mark and myself. NT Wright got up and shared an overview on the books of Acts setting up for his workshop tomorrow.

A more in depth reflection is inhibited at this moment by lack of sleep and going all day long. Perhaps I can revisit this in the morning.

Till then.

Labels: soularize

adam .:. 9:24 PM | link | Comments

After 13 hours of flying and sitting in airports I'm now in the Bahamas to help facilitate Soularize. I met a few new people (jim palmer, michael dowd, lance ford, max daves) tonight, reconnected with old friends (spencer burke, todd littleton, jordon cooper, mike devries) and I can already feel the energy, and I like it. Soularize is always a unique event where you never know what's going to happen and what might come of a conversation.

Labels: soularize

adam .:. 10:25 PM | link | Comments

When the rain comes down it pours,
it pours upon my head and......

Yesterday rain came down in sheets in Louisville and continued all night long and it was still going this morning as I rose at 4:15am EST to catch the first of three planes on route to Nassau, Bahamas for the next Soularize conference. I sit now in Ft Lauderdale, FL at my 5 hour layover.

Last night was my last show with The Cobalt Season on their midwest, to eastern portion of the US tour. It was wonderful to be with Ryan, Holly, and Paxton -- wonderful as well to see my old roommate Daniel Dixon. Ryan is a true lyricist and Daniel's full sense of music is beyond my grasp. I loved the opportunity to perform some of my poetry and was very grateful for the platform Ryan extended. Last night was probably my personal favorite as it was hosted at Dan's house and the show flowed with sense of emotion. Ryan and Holly sang a new song they co-wrote which was a transparent telling of their relationship as a family and I love the courage they display in sharing openly with strangers. My thoughts are with them as they continue on in the tour.

Labels: life, poetry, traveling

adam .:. 12:10 PM | link | Comments

The traveling groove is settling in and besides missing my temperapedic bed I'm enjoying the engergy that comes from traveling. We've played shows in Milwaukee, Indi, and Lexington. Each one with it's own flavor and unique set of characters. We're off to some thrift stores in lexington and I'll post some stories after.

for now.

Labels: traveling

adam .:. 7:34 AM | link | Comments

In typical fashion I had a list of many things to do in little time and was set to board a plane early Sunday morning. I ended up calling it quits on finishing the tasks in to get a few hours sleep; 3 to be exact. I flew into minneapolis Sunday afternoon, its now Tuesday and I still haven't completely recovered that lost sleep. In fact I've been overly tired for the last week and a half. I'm just not sleeping well -- somewhere wadding around my soul is a thread of restlessness. I can't quite pin point what it is exactly.

Minneapolis on the other hand is great - - being among friends and meeting many new ones is a real gift. I'm blessed to know such generous people and have the means to travel and interact. It's a peculiar way of living, one in which many people have a hard time understanding and scratch their heads as to what it is I exactly do with my time -- once in a while myself included. At this juncture I have sense that my future holds more of the same but with more intentionality, and deeper leverage of my gifts and abilities.

Today the sky is grey and the air and ground wet with anticipation of change.

Labels: life

adam .:. 8:18 AM | link | Comments

I'm back from Glorietta and from my first trip of what is going to be a travel month. The sun was warm and soothing as was the conversation and making new friends in New Mexico. I led a couple discussions over the few days we were there. The first was on the link between our bodies and our soul and in interplay between them. I've written a few posts on this here -- especially when training is in full swing. There's something tangible and practical about body spirituality that I inherently like and love to talk about my experiences and how they've shaped my view of God and life.

The other conversation I co-led with Ryan Sharp - about what I'm calling Developmental Theology. The integration of Theology, Psychology, Sociology and Physiology. It was a lively discussion about spiral dynamics, a theory of everything, and our longings to become human as our Creator intended.

While the facilitated conversations were invigorating, the real magic of the gathering happens on walks, late night talks, and cooking together. I met some beautifully wounded people who are moving forward in the way of love.

Daley (whose photography I love) put up some photos from the event here.

I'm in town for this week, then I fly out on Sunday to join The Cobalt Season tour, and will fly out from Louisville to Nassau, Bahamas to meet up with old and new friends at Soularize '07.

for now.

Labels: emergent, reflections

adam .:. 9:47 AM | link | Comments

It started with 9 of us meeting at 6am this morning and piling into a 12 passenger rental van headed for Santa Fe, NM. We're on our way to the Emergent gathering held annually at Glorietta, NM. It feels good to be on the road, headed toward a destination where a collective of energy from across the country amasses and we converse about the movement of the Spirit among us. Inevitably there will be traveling pilgrims looking to connect, a wonderful opportunity for hospitality. We've stopped in Flagstaff for the night and last night ended up at a local tavern with live Blue Grass, Barley Wine on tap, and amazing food.

Today we push on for the final drive of the journey.

for now.

Labels: life

adam .:. 11:30 PM | link | Comments

Master help us to see how we live in antagonism to the way of love.
We surrender the entirety of our beings to the work of your spirit,
that our mouths would speak words of healing and encouragement,
that our bodies would be offered to labor for purpose of love,
that our minds would dwell on your words,
and our hearts beat with the rhythm of yours.

May your kingdom come
and your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven

as it was in the beginning
is now
and ever shall be
world without end

Amen.

Labels: prayer

adam .:. 9:29 AM | link | Comments

adam .:. 11:54 PM | link | Comments

"some trust in human means, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." (my paraphrase of Psalm 20:7)

Over the last couple of weeks I've been trying to spend a considerable amount of time each morning still in meditation. I've begun to notice a real unhealth in my spirituality - mainly that much of it resides in cognition. I want to love not only with my mind and body but with my heart and soul as well.

As I've been sitting and praying I'm reminded of the power and reality of God's Spirit and presence. I want my prayers not only to be words I say or think but living realities and I fear my friends that I cannot will that into being. I make myself available, but the internal change I seek I'm finding comes from another source outside of myself.

I often struggle with the reality of God's power and being tapped into that stream. Depending on the circle you run in it's either celebrated our looked down upon, but I believe the force of God in the world must be real as well as it's access. My from my vantage point I need to be reminded of resting in God and residing in love. I guess what I'm getting at is I want to have a deep and profound love for the author of my being - one that propels me.

May we be connected to the Master as well as follow what he teaches.

Labels: life, reflections

adam .:. 4:48 PM | link | Comments

I'm looking for some help with our ReIMAGINE website. If you or someone you know is familiar with creating Drupal templates please contact me.

adam .:. 11:19 AM | link | Comments

it's been a while since I've had a moment of inspiration and last night as I was driving home one finally came. They often come when I'm driving which is fairly annoying as it's difficult to remember the words that come to me as I'm driving.

dim lights cast away shadows
as gray masses of mist float on the midnight blue canvas
thoughts circle by faster than the miles click past

The ghost of holiness rages reality

wrapped in what some call "a metal coffin" I'm suddenly and mysteriously reminded of the reality of freedom and source
the power that beats within my heart

locomotion of thoughts wrestle through the calm center of existence
brought home by love
the power I've been disillusioned with strangely seems real as the blinding contruction lights and orange cones that line the lane next to me
fresh as the midnight air creeping through my cracked window

tireless workers in jump suits and yellow hard hats preparing a safer road for weary commuters struggling to make a way.
negotiating with life and reality
with consequences of choices
restless hearts and and nerves ignored
clamored out by the banging voice of obligation, responsibility and duty

I sense realities of invitation beyond what we see, taste and contemplate
my idiosyncratic mystic behavior
I wonder if it coincides with mental illness
my place just might be speaking words of prophecy
instigating and loving and always forgotten

no super star, no business founder or CEO
simply a maveric apostle on the road of love
acting on the volition of the blowing Spirit
inspiring
running my body ragged
the ghost of holiness,
reality
her breath invades

Labels: poetry

adam .:. 8:27 AM | link | Comments

today I went 50.5 mph on my road bicycle as I rode down Carson Pass. All I could think about was the fact that all I was wearing was spandex and if I fell......

adam .:. 11:14 PM | link | Comments

I've been on a blog hiatus of sorts; which if you visit here or subscribe to my feed you might have notice. It's not something that I planned or am being intentional about. I've sat many times blogger window open and nothing comes forth. It's a different season internally for me these past few weeks. My internal intensity and ever working mind have slowed to some degree for rest -- I guess. Plus I've been on vacation: house boating, and puerto vallarta.

Also though I feel a strange shift inside where maybe I'm settling into myself more and the anxious side of my intensity is cooling down. Lately I'm not interested in analyzing things or trying to figure out answers to questions that aren't meant to be answered. I know this sounds simple and juvenile but with all the intentionality that has been my life for the last few years I'm ready to slow that down and enjoy life a little more. Creating space for the serendipity of my maker. Taking extended time off has once again awakened a broader perspective on the vastness life.

Switching books. Lately I've been thinking about the power of the Spirit that exists and how we can be instruments that harness that power. I imagine myself riding the wave and channeling it through my personality for sake of love in this world. I get subtle feelings of its existence and presence and reflect on times when I've felt tapped in -- weilding it in certain circumstances.

Labels: life, reflections

adam .:. 8:14 AM | link | Comments

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZKaYIjwUlUp

Labels: poetry

adam .:. 8:48 AM | link | Comments

if anyone is curious - I completed the Ironman today. It was a blustery cool morning and the lake was covered in white caps as the swim began. The conditions were so bad in fact that they gave the option to opt out of the swim if you wanted and to just complete the bike and run. I went for the swim, and the water wasn't as bad as it appeared - what was a little crazy was the 2,300 people all jumping in the water at the same time. For the first 30 minutes I was constantly running into people and having people swim up my back. Four time my goggles were kicked off. After that the pack loosened up and I was finally able to get in a groove. After drinking half the lake I managed to finish in 1 hour 13 minutes. Off the wetsuit strippers, who rip the wetsuit off of you and I jumped onto the bike.

Chad and I had driven the course earlier in the week and what a beautiful scenic course. Winding through the low mountains and hugging up against a golf course and two lakes. Amidst all the beauty were some significant hills which made for a challenging course. The first 80 miles or so felt great then all of sudden my legs stopped moving as quickly. The next 15 miles or so were slow and difficult, especially as both of my inner thighs began cramping. After downing a bunch of fluids they finally loosened up again and I was able to push the pedals a little harder. Finished the bike in 5 hours 39 minutes.

Onto the run, which I had planned on walking because of knee injury. So that's how I started. I walked the first mile and a half and after watching people run by and having the spectators say "Walking is good, looking good Adam" something inside, ego perhaps, or this internal drive I have kicked in, and I said forget it. As long as my knee doesn't get worse I'm just going to run. So I did and after about 5 miles, this guy, Michael, pulls up next to me and starts talking to me. So we started chatting and ended up running the rest of the marathon together. He himself was nursing a knee injury so we'd run until we hit an aid station walk through the aid station, drinking chicken broth, gatorade and water and then pick up and run again. It was pretty brutal on my legs - I haven't run in over 2 months but there is something inside that just takes over. I look ahead body relaxed and will myself forward. I can't really explain it. Anyway had it not been for Michael, a 24 year old sports trainer from Fresno, I'm not sure I would have made it running the whole thing though. Thank you Michael.

I ended up finishing the race in 12 hours 8 minutes and 23 seconds which I'm happy about. After finishing, I was and still am bubbling with energy. As sick and twisted as it sounds this stuff feeds something inside me. Of course I'm curious what I would have had, had my knee been healthy and had I been able to train for the marathon. Hmmmm....next year??

Labels: ironman, ironman coeur d'alene

adam .:. 11:22 PM | link | Comments

I have a large appetite for life.

Being here in Coeur d'Alene at the Ironman event is feeding my desire to do this event again next year. Taking the next year to be more disciplined and achieve the goal of finishing under 10 hours. Thoughts of doing the Ultraman are once again dancing strongly in my mind. I want to be doing that, while at the same time devoting myself fully to my work in SF where I feel a deep sense of calling and "true" vocation. The question I wrestle with is "can I do both?" and still maintain a balanced life in relationships, etc. One voice says - you bet and yet another - impossible. Oh the battle that wages, and the fun wrestling match that comes with being overdriven and ambitious.

I often wonder if it's a selfish motivation to be spending so much time to training, etc. And then I meet Damon, a local to Coeur d'Alene, who watched the event last year and was so inspired that he said "you know I've got to figure this thing out and give it a try" and this year he's participating. You could see by the sparkle in his eye and the cheek to cheek grin that Damon was excited about the opportunity and I'm sure the life transforming training that took place. Then there's my friend Chad who's been saying until about a year ago that he'd never do an Ironman. When I signed up to Ironman New Zealand he was glad for me but said he'd never do it, his body just couldn't handle it. I'd like to believe that by me signing up and pushing on with my desire to compete Chad saw the possibility and is now this year participating. Moving beyond what he once thought possible. I'd like to believe I played a part in that. In some ways it reassures of the voices in my soul. The ones that inspire me within but sound beyond reason to people around me. To those reading - listen to those voices, those desires and dreams that seem impossible. Be courageous.

On the note of being courageous, there is a man who has had both legs amputated below the knee participating in the race.

Labels: ironman, reflections

adam .:. 1:18 PM | link | Comments

"When I wake up in the morning I can't decide whether to enjoy the world or
improve the world; that makes it difficult to plan the day." (E.B. White)


Chad and I arrived in Coeur d'Alene yesterday afternoon. Yesterday's drive was breath taking. Rolling green hills, majestic canyons, and wild flowers that ignite your eyes. Somehow inspite of all that I'm really wrestling with being here. My mind is constantly returning to what's going on in SF and thinking through our work there. It really is a bizarre twist to be fighting to enjoy vacation but that's the place I'm in at the moment and I'm not sure what to do with it. It has me wondering about new organizational structures. How they change from week to week, even day to day, and how I want to be there for all of it. Wrapped up in this somewhere is my ego I'm sure - wanting to control and have influence and taking that away, even for a while, is messing with me. Not good. I want my value to come from my connection to the Creator. On the flip side of this, it seems I've found what I really want to do in this season of life. So much so that taking an extended break is difficult. In the middle of all these thoughts, the tangible is sleepless nights and a distracted mind.

Breath deep. Relax. This experience is valuable (i hope).

Labels: life, reflections

adam .:. 8:30 AM | link | Comments

Tomorrow morning my good friend Chad and I are embarking on a 1,000 mile road trip to Couer D'Alene, Idaho; where on Sunday we will be participating the Ironman. I'm looking forward to the time away for some perspective.

It's a little bizarre to be leaving and in some ways I want to stay and keep on working. That's a BIG shift for me, usually I can't wait to get away on an adventure, but somehow I've become a "workaholic" when it comes to my work with ReIMAGINE. It's an interesting place to be and I look forward the view change and how it will effect me.

adam .:. 11:59 PM | link | Comments

With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.
- Steven Weinberg

adam .:. 2:32 PM | link | Comments

The past few days have been event filled to say the least. Saturday afternoon I flew down to Santa Ana and performed some poetry as a part The Cobalt Season Show that night at the Canvas Gallery. Little did I know I'd be reconnected with Aaron Flores who runs the Gallery. Aaron is a humble soul who inhabits and experiments with new forms of leadership and emergence principles of organization. It was an inspiring reminder of the good work that is taking place along the new paradigm we swim in.

After that show we drove down to San Diego where the next morning where would be telling stories of our community through song, poetry and word at the Mission Gathering. The Mission Gathering, with it's beautiful leaders, is one of those communities with one in foot in each paradigm. Thank you Jay, Alex, Bill, etc for the wonderful conversation around lunch.

Concluding that day was a house show at Jason Evans' house. Jason and his wife Brook are part of what I would call the "Integration Movement". Where their spirituality is played out in all the details of their life and not programs administered by someone else.

The trip to Socal was a wonderful gift and I couldn't help but feel a sense of profound gratitude as I realized this was all taking part as a community of people.

Yesterday was we hosted the Spiritual Ecology Project here in San Francisco. It was the convergence of about 100 people getting together to talk about emerging spirituality and social issues. Other than feeling a little tired and run down, it was a great event. People from all different places on the conversation map showed up.

Look for more reflections from some of those conversations. Mostly around: The myth of community, the myth of flat leadership, emergence theory and verb centric language.

Labels: reflections

adam .:. 10:06 AM | link | Comments

I remember back to my introduction to silence and meditation as a freshman in high school. At the start of class Father Allender would often have us sit, eyes closed, while he led us in a meditation. As the meditation came to a close we sat in silence for a few moments before opening our eyes. Most likely the exercise had a dual purpose, to calm the storm of 30 riotous high schools boys, but also to introduce us to a spiritual practice. At the time it didn’t really mean much to me other than our lectures would be inherently shorter; which as a freshman in high school was a huge bonus. Years later during my final year of undergraduate studies I remember reading the gospel accounts of Jesus constantly withdrawing to the mountainside for solitude and prayer and memories of those days in freshmen religion class came flooding back. I felt inspired and decided that I needed to get away, alone for 4 days. Finishing up school on a Thursday I packed up my car and drove up to the Sierras where I would spend the next 4 days alone in the woods, praying, reading, meditating, and being still before my Maker. I was forever changed after those 4 days and vowed that silence and solitude would become a regular practice in my life. Fast forward a few years and this discipline of practicing silence and solitude has become one of the vows of our community and as an organization we host an annual retreat inviting anyone that wishes to attend.

Fighting their way through traffic people began to trickle in Friday night from all over the Bay Area. As each person arrived I was reminded that it takes a decisive act of discipline to make time for stillness in our local culture of activity driven schedules. In our outcome based, progress driven society the question is often “What will this activity accomplish?” or “Will it allow me to check something off my ‘to do’ list?” and taking silent walks, meditating and journaling often don’t measure up. I asked everyone to leave behind all distractions: electronic devices, books, and yes even Bibles. Aside from their personal items, they only needed to bring a journal and pen. It’s easy for us to fill our minds with words and thoughts and to read without a purpose. All the guidance they needed would be contained in the movement of the Spirit and in a guide that we handed out which contained scripture to meditate on, journaling exercises, prayer exercises and guided meditations. The hope is to create space for God not merely fill it with more “meaningful” things.

We shared a common meal of fresh vegetables, and shrimp in a white wine sauce over wheat pasta and gathered in a circle to go over the next 36 hours. Driven by the admonition in the Psalms, “Be still and know that I am God,” Mark and I walked the group through the importance that silence can play in our lives. I explained that it really is entering into a new way of being, and there are some usual reactions when we first enter silence. Often we find ourselves anxious, bored, questioning the point of trying to be still or wondering what it will accomplish. We begin to look for some emotional shift inside, or euphoric feeling telling us that “it’s working.” We can become desperate in wanting to feel something. In these moments, when we try to evaluate a new way of being based on old paradigms, we need to remind ourselves that this is a spiritual practice we enter to show our love and fidelity to the One that knit us together. God is the lover and cultivator of our soul and one of the most important things we can do is show up with the intention of being with God. As our loving parent God is pleased with our effort to be present. Entering silence creates space in our hearts, minds, and souls for the spirit of God to work and speak. “We are going to be living as contemplative monks,” I explained, “and part of that entails we all participate in chores in order for food to be prepped, cooked and the kitchen cleaned.” We don’t leave out the practicalities of life when practicing silence, but rather the intention is to create that stillness within and bring it with us to our daily activities. We began to run through the schedule for the next day and a half and as we did I pointed out our individual assignments for the weekend that would keep things running smoothly and without conversation. Being that there were no questions at this point, I (re)introduced the practice of contemplative prayer, popularized by Thomas Keating, and led us in 20 minutes of silent prayer. After which, Mark and I walked the group through exercises we had prepared that were available for use if people needed inspiration. We ended our gathering and as a collective group entered silence.

I slept outside that night. The stillness present in the crisp morning mountain air soothes the deeper parts of my soul and as I entered the kitchen I was greeted by a newly formed group of “monks” spending time with their Creator. Some were journaling, others sitting on the deck in silence, and still others enjoying the outdoors. Jennifer had just returned from a nature walk and brought with her pine cones and needles and created a mountain center piece for our table. As I watched people, I prayed that through the silence internal soul space would open up allowing the voice of the great Mystery to speak lovingly. As the day progressed, I sensed people settling more and more into the silence. The flurry of moving pens had slowed and more people were simply resting in the present moment. I imagine that their souls and minds grew still and they were able to begin to rest. It often takes a while for our minds to detox from the influx of information and activity that we live into day in and day out. Their is a noticeable difference between the first few hours of silence and silence after 8-10 hours. That night as I got ready for bed I sat on my mat and wrote this poem:


Waking the next morning we had breakfast and the morning exercise was to come up with a rule of life. A set of personal rhythms that will help in nurturing the soul and deepening our connection to God. We broke the silence with communion at lunch and reflected upon the experience as we ate together. Everyone I talked with, even the extreme extroverts, remarked how they enjoyed the silence and time to simply be. If you have never had an extended period in silence and/or solitude I would highly recommend penning it into your schedule. It helps remind us that God is more concerned with who we are becoming than what we accomplish.

Labels: article

adam .:. 9:31 PM | link | Comments

I'm going to be down in Santa Ana and San Diego this weekend performing with The Cobalt Season. If you're in the area come check out a show.

adam .:. 9:34 AM | link | Comments

Here's a start to a poem:

Hallucinogenic breaths penetrate my lungs
the poverty
drips like sweat from the brow of the salt earth farmer
lining asphalt corridors trapped by the vision that exists within a satisfied soul

a sleeping Giant content with the rest of an impoverished relationship

Labels: poetry

adam .:. 11:41 PM | link | Comments

It's been a whirlwind of activity this past weekend. My brother Andrew graduated high school and a dear friend Andy Palmer got married. Also my good friend Ryan had his Album Release parties and graciously allowed me to share some of my poetry. At each of the parties it was great to see friends and family that I haven't seen a long time. Yesterday in particular was wonderful as I had a couple conversations that struck at a piece of my heart that was longing for encouragement.

Perhaps it was lack of sleep, or the busyness of the last few days but I was questioning the sanity of the life I live. I'm sure much of it is self induced pressure and intensity but living on the fringes of society and trying to forge a new way of life is quite daunting. As I was driving from Rocklin to San Francisco yesterday I couldn't help but ask myself why I couldn't just get a regular job and live a "normal" life? Of course deep down I know the reason is because there is an imprint on my soul that pushes me out to creative unknown. I feel called out to this "no-man's land" of living where sacrifice is eminent and ambiguity your best friend.

Yesterday a few people with more years than I encouraged me and said in all their years the most important thing is communion with the Great Mystery that spoke all this into being. "Live and rest in the power that sustains everything and ask for what you need," I was told. Words we often hear, but these words were from the mouths of people whom I deeply respect and who have lived lives on both sides of the flow. Giving them a credibility in my mind and not a bunch of spiritual hyperbole.

Oh that my faith may be strengthened as I move forward in this great adventure; that I honestly wouldn't trade for anything.

Labels: reflections

adam .:. 9:56 AM | link | Comments

6, 386 miles my legs have spun in circles
335 hours my ass has sat on that seat
7 pairs of shoes the unforgiving asphalt and dirt has beat through
i have ravaged my body for 4,382 hours
in focused pursuit of an eternal soul that never seems to quit
i have not slept, not ate, not shat
to uncover that mystery that swims between muscle and bone
the breath that feeds my heart not my lungs
4 O'clock in the morning the alarm has invaded my sleep
and provoked me to rise
to eat 6 eggs and 3 pieces of toast that resembles bark
walking into the dawn air i slip on
a rubber suit and prepare to punish my body for 12 hours of intensity

there is depth, beauty and power found
outside your known limits
pain, abuse, sacrifice, and discipline are the pathway into mystery
humility the door to power

if you are willing it can be found
but it will cost you your life and friends
enemies will beat on your door
and backs will be turned in misunderstanding

come and follow the steps into
life, love, and integration
flow with the winds of love and desparation

Labels: poetry

adam .:. 10:39 PM | link | Comments

thank you dan hughes for Harris books and ryan sharp for Rollins book.

Labels: reading

adam .:. 9:17 AM | link | Comments