polynesian culture.......enjoying the beach, enjoying swimming with the fishes, experiencing new things, going on new adventures, and in the middle of this newness my thoughts turn to you, the one that was with me, but is no longer....my soul yearns for your touch, to share these moments with you....to share this life with you....to see your smile again.....to have the joy of you holding me.....the feeling of longing weighs me down, causes my thoughts to turn inward, reflecting on what has occured and wondering what will occur.....the parting of ways not so long ago was appropiate at the time, beneficial even, but now at this moment I'm thinking, wondering, will our paths cross again and become one single path through this wilderness of life. Lord, my sweet Father who cares for me, and is more than sufficient for more, the one who sustains me, I long for a companion on this earth, someone to share time with, to share laughs with, cry with......Is it someone I already know? Is it anyone? I pray that you provide as you have done so many times before, thank you for looking out for me, thank you for being my daddy....I yearn..........I yearn...................................................Father Help.

today was the opening day for Star Wars: Episode II and much to my surprise I saw the movie today, but right now I don't really want to talk about that...........

Later today I started running at 5:30pm and finished running at 7:31pm...2 hours of running.....during those 2 hours many things went through my mind and I know that I will not be able to recall them all right now, but first..I started at Oak Meadow Park (Vasona) ran south, at the split in the trail in LG I went to the left, that ended I ran back the fork and went right which took me to Lexington reservoir, I ran up to the dam back and forth accross the dam then continued to run past oak meadow park to the fishing pond, turned around and finished up at Oak meadow park......Man my nipples hurt. During this time one thing I thought of was this game called life......i thought about how Paul describes the Christian walk as a race, and that we should run such as to win the race, and as I thought about this I thought if we are running race, we should prepare before the race....what brought me to this was that a year ago there is no way that I would even consider running for 2 hours straight, and today I just did it, but I was able to because of training and discipline, if we are to run this race of life and run to win we must train ourselves and discpline ourselves, my problem is that currently I find it easier to train my body rather than my Spirit.....Lord I need your help with my spiritual training, I am but a padwon, not a true jedi, I need to learn from the master....For this summer I've been thinking about doing something different, quiting my job which pays me very well and is very flexible with my hours, basically the perfect job in order to help build a house in Kirkwood, I would to this to free myself from some of the ties I have here to liberate myself from this busy life in order to engage in spiritual training while at the same time building something with my hands.....I think about this and it is very enticing, but then I think about my job and what I have here and I feel committed.....not really wanting to give it up....so I pray that God if this is what YOU would have me do....if it would please you more for me to move to kirkwood for the summer.....then I pray that you would whisper that to me.....and now the only thing that remains is for me to quiet myself enough so that I may hear the whisper of God.......for he does speak........2 hours of straight running.......my nipples hurt.....
lates

SWEEEEEEEEEEET EMOOOOOOOOOOOTIONS

i rode my bike 50 miles today.....holy s************88. (learned a very important lesson, ALWAYS, ALWAYS carry an extra tube, no great revelation to most, but to an absent minded fool like myself....well)

wrap your loving arms around because I feel like crap. that is love, the ability to fall into arms even when your attitude sucks. It is an interesting life. This living on earth. You feel like crap and therefore nobody really wants to be around you, and yet, honestly once in a while you're going to feel like crap and that is when you need people the most......exactly at that moment when people don't want to be around because you may not be in the cheeriest of moods, is when you need them. very perplexing. Thank you Jesus.

run thin. this warped human (or not warped) makes his way through this thing called life. so many things. so many things. so many things bombard my mind, they overtake my brain waves and infiltrate my being. I am overwhelmed. so many things. so many things going on, yet they are all of my doing, my initiative my saying yes. some I love some I like and some I don't really care for at all. yet I carry on. they bog me down my spirit causing my attitude to..well basically SUCK! and that troubles my spirit a vicious cycle. My spirit, or emotions maybe a better way to say it, are downtroden, yet in my mind I know that I am set free. Jesus has set me free, yet I let things bog me down, affect me in ways they should not, so my mind runs into conflict with my emotions, feelings of despair, not despair, more just tired of running in this hampster wheel. Jesus has set me free all I need to do to realize that freedom is accept and live it....it is not something felt, but realized and lived. My life has become a death to me, my lifestyle sucks my time it robs me of time with my sweet loving father who really just wants to be with me and I yearn for Him. To experience his presence, and even if I have a million things to do I just need to say no and stop doing them and give my Father some time, and yet when this happens I return to "reality" and right away I realize all things that I need to do, the things that I have ignored and neglected in order to have a life.....I feel as though I could be doing things constantly and accomplish certain things and yet never accomplish anything........
Get over yourself you arrogant prick....realize this life is not about you and your light troubles. Live in the now, live for the only one that matters, who cares what people think, and yet when I write that my mind tells me that you have commited to certain things and not completing them would reflect poorly upon the person whom I represent. Father help me to quiet my mind and relax....to relax to gain eternal perspective and just enjoy life as it was meant to be enjoyed..........to many personal mind games..............wrap your loving arms around because I feel like crap.

life is an interesting adventure always throwing surprises, especially when considering the ongoings of the heart. oh heart of mine why do you stir so, why do you ache so, the face you have seen so many times before, and yet it still stirs me from within, this face is no longer so close, and yet it still causes emotions to flow, emotions, wow they just over take you......I felt like crying, was on the verge of crying for the loved one that I once had, then I prayed to God a simple prayer telling Him that He in control and is more than sufficient for me, in this moment of holy recognition my spirit and heart were filled with a sense of peace, on the verge of crying and in a state of bewilderment asking what if TRANSFORMED into a spirit of peace and trust. Holy abba father, your involvement in my life is more than I will ever know. Out there in this world I believe that you have set aside someone for me, in the in-between I will put my trust and untrust in your hands, I seek after you and you alone and let these things be added to me according to your loving providence, and giving. My human still in my moments of weakness falls low and wishes for someone on this earth to share time with. a companion to love. love is truly the greatest gift of God. Love.

i am running, falling, running, the heavy air laiden with golden orange surrounds, it fills my lungs...and I can't relax. My mind is churning, burning with thoughts that I wish not to think, I fall again, continously falling. My life, my journey is full of stumbling, full of blubbering, replete with contemplation and unwarrented self-criticism. Always on guard for fear of what might come out of this dirty soul, never enjoying the moment for fear of what I might do.....yet not always. Circumstances, my surroundings, the company that is around, my environment, the ambiance of it all greatly impacts my disposition, the company of those not sharing a common spirit propels me to be on guard, constantly thinking of how I should and act behave. Should I have laughed at that joke? How should I respond to that question? Too many personal mind games, allows me to realize the lack of spiritual blood flowing through these human viens. Immersion into love that is always present. Who am I.

my thoughts on the double-u double-u double-u.