wonderings

last night i sat in "silence" just thinking, trying to pray, trying to connect with God. i think i'm going to be stating the obvious here but it seems to me that the goal of life is to simply to find out "who i am". trying to be things - a leader, a friend, a follower of Christ, etc. seem to all flow from this. hopefully our journey to discover who we are intrinsically leads us to God, where our ultimately identity is hidden and created as we search for it. at first this may seem completely individualstic, but then i think again and we cannot know ourselves or God outside of relation. so in our pursuit of ourself (which i think could be another way of saying God's love) we must throw ourself in the lives of people and find out about them, invest in them, invest in the search for Jesus's love and when we do we'll discover what it is we were looking for. God's love. in our search for our heart (which is wrapped up in God's heart) i think we inevitably take on titles that people often try to start with. am i making any sense? i'm still working on flushing out the language to describe what i'm thinking and feeling. could it be that everything can be reduced to the search for "who am i?" comments/reactions.