don't fade this funk......i've been in this funk these last few days itching and scratching to leave it but never really with the energy to the leave the funk behind and break into something new....i believe the time has come to move from funk to funky......creativity is running, plowing ahead, music playing, a little sip of a beverage and before i know it i'm eating chocolate chips gathering up my colored pencils and heading for the door to venture into the land of digital art and media......but wait it's 12 am and the building will be locked and closed down - ah if it's meant to be then the there will be a way into the building - well the answer is obvious its 1:15 and i'm at the machine - it was meant to be this night.....to venture into accomplishment - wonder through the fog into the water...ah this is just a little break of recorded thoughts while i work on this flyer thing that honestly in reality probably isn't even that great.....alright i'm back....at this instance in history i've completed the flyer and.....at the moment i'd say it's tight, but then again i'm in a "mood"...a mood where my mind.....a trance maybe......a crap i don't know......about 4 or 5 hours ago i had the energy of a slug, my motivitation for things was not what i'd call high, life was not so much looking up, my situations where beginning hold me down, but something changed in that time period, one could say that it was this milk/coffee drink that i had and that the caffine in that drink has altered my consciouness and mood - maybe - not all that likely however....no i think it's more of the fact - or the fellowship rather of a brother in life and then fellowship with the one who loves my soul more than i'll ever comprehend...in a few days time i will be boarding a plane to MN, to a conference where i'll only know one person and vaguely at that,,,,,my thinking and prayer is that this will be a challenging and changing experience for the likes of myself.....a time where reality will take on new meaning, and something in my life that i will remember....now why is it that i need to go away for something like this to take place...why do i put, for lack of a better word, my hope in this ----why do i look forward --- no - i'm sitting here shaking my head ---- no no no no no - look presently at the situation and reality before me now. live in it, love it, make the most of it, granted i may not want to be in this place right now, i may wish and dream for different circumstances but really what good would that do --- no i'm here and this juncture not over there or just around that corner ----- i'm standing here in this place, at this point, in these circumstances...and while right now they may not seem ideal....ultimately they will bring me to a better place to a better understanding of who i am, of what i want to become, bring me to that place.....to place where God wants me to be.....and i believe that is the truth of the matter and when i think about that....when i think that no matter where i am, what corner i'm standing on or what line i'm standing in,,,,,that God will use that to shape me and use me as a brush for his masterpiece....that knowledge brings my heart and soul a warmth and comfort that i cannot explain.....a peace that ebbs through me and whispers to me telling me to just continue striving ---- just place one foot in front of the other.....everything else is taken care of.....siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh....that brings my soul rest, comfort, and rejuvination of a kind that i cannot explain.....a sweetness to my palette that overwhelms me.....i want everyone to know this taste, to have the experience of this rest and peace, to have this knowledge and understanding.....that all that is necessary is to live with love for the unloveable...............it all just trips me out........a breakthough occuring right now.....my thoughts are finally being formulated and made known even to myself....this often happens to me.....i'll think and think about what i'm not sure.....but then this happens a breakthrough where they just come pouring out....what a freeing experience.....a time when i'm honest with myself and the truth of the matter the truth of myself begins residing less hazzily within this mind....a resonation occurs within me and i like...these times are the good times ---- why does it always happen in the wee hours of the morning i wonder??? intriguing....Abba above --------- merci boku......i'm tempted to continue writing - to keep these flowing thoughts going and to record them on this cyber paper, and while the temptation for that is there i think that now i need to be earthly alone with these thoughts to just go be in the presence.............2:30am