chili and rice

aaron's having chili and rice - for me ramen noodles with a can of chicken. high mountain living at it's best.

sleeplessly my mind tossed, sore shoulders from the days work; in the spinning madness i seek his face and present my dilema before Him....telling him of my love, my devotion, my willingness to give it all up. All i've prayed for, all i see happening before me - in the spinning madness of the twilight i declared my brokenness and need of Him - pleading for humility, for love. i'll take the spinning madness of the twilight for his love, for his blessing, for his presence. the spinning madness of the twilight turned into the cool morning of hope. in the twilight i layed it before him......at daybreak he handed it back.
continue reading chili and rice.....

confusion

the work continues to grow around every corner, my mind unable to meditate on the things i'd like to. even now i wish to post things that are occuring within but inspiration and motivation seem a distant memory. am i being asked to surrender those things that keep me going? skip the next class i've signed up for, leave the christ commons that has begun on thurs nights, the reading, the writing, the conversations, completely disconnect myself? i'll do it, only say the word and i'll walk away; if you're calling me away then there is no reason to hang on - i'm here for your will and your kingdom not mine.

prayer and comments please.

another idea

In relation to these two posts:
my passion #1 and #2
this article outlines not only some of what i'm experiencing but also where i would like to contribute. i've long had the notion that a college degree will be common place and lose it's value in terms of helping people achieve that "next step" in life. i think what's ultimately needed is more of a rounded education; with a focus on aiding students in self discovery. i think this used to be a by-product of college but this phenomena is on the decline. so another idea i have is not only becoming a teacher of what i've learned from my "front-porch" spaces but to perhaps start a new way of doing school entirely.

passion

my latest idea on where i'd like to see my life go involves opening a "median space" that is a cross between a coffee shop, bar, and club. to have it run successfully both superficially and in-depthfully in terms of meeting people's deep needs. from the success of that to start teaching a sociology class or something related to people and how we become who we are and how as people in relation we can help people in their journey of becoming. sound interesting to anyone else?

marathon

yesterday i paid for my lack of good training - after 26.2 miles my time was decent but the pain was not. after the race i enjoyed the best beer, chips, salsa, and guacamole that i can remember.

dangerous games

this could be a dangerous mind game to play but, i wonder if you could measure the way people feel about you based upon their reaction to you giving them your time let me explaine. imagine as a gift you told someone close "you choose a day and i'll do whatever you like, it's your day" could you 'measure' their connectedness/love/friendship for you by their response? if time or the investment of ourselves in other is the greatest gift we can give, then by their response could you tell how the person felt about you? after all if they value you highly wouldn't they jump at the opportunity to spend time with you? and if they don't see it as a great opportunity then how much do they really value you? if their response is "um, ya okay" then what does that say? Now bring this a spiritual level. God gives us His undivided attention all the time, what does our response to Him always being available say about our love toward God?
continue reading "dangerous games.....

today during my prayer time i went back to some old journals and read this from about 3 years ago:

life is a pursuit. it begins with our eyes closed - the lights out. we catch glimpses once in a while. solomon in Ecc. wants to know what should people be doing - he is searching - he tried sex, love, riches, ownership, wisdom - all this leaves the darkness dark - it brings no light. then a paradigm shift occurs; he opens his eyes to God and sees life and everything in it as a gift. we could stop there - a gift we get open it and there it is. but this gift is very different - we can never truly "open it". we spend our lives opening it - or better yet we open it but cannot appreciate it - it's a daily thing - something we embark on - not a one time thing - not a single event but a sequence of events

in a word - adventure. where will my adventure take me next? it was interesting reading through the old journal entries i definitely see some patterns and the beginnings of answered prayer. Three years later - the beginning of answered prayer - sometimes (ok most of the time) i'd like to speed this process up, but who am I?

this ties into another entry i wrote around the same time period:

the gospel of grace calls us to sing of the everyday mystery of intimmacy with God instead of always seeking for miracles or visions.

In Faith.

andy and i both dislike the taste of gas, if you're wondering it tastes exactly like it smells. yesterday we boarded the first half of the day and it was AWESOME, powder, lots of powder, and dropping the cliffs was super fun. i wish we had gotten snowed in, i'd like to board a little today and then work on the cabin. it was neat to be there during the storm. the was some neat iceycles outside the condo -



we had to dig a snow tunnel just to get to our snow tunnel.

snow. a flippin lot of snow. that's what kwood has been like the past couple of days, so yesterday after working andy and i made a little snow cave.




and last night my car stuck and today it's stuck in the driveway - the great part is the snow blower is out of gas, looks like rock, paper, scissors for syphoning gas. i'll be back to fill in on the story.

a reflection on the dream, i think that potential is open to everyone it's a matter of realizing what chokes out the kingdom of God from our lives and moving on or rooting it out.

i'm finding that this "fringe" lifestyle i'm living can be very difficult at times, the other day i was feeling as though i'm constantly swimming against the stream. how much easier life could be if i had simply staid at my job and went with the flow, but in the end where would that leave me in 5 yrs? 10? be careful what you pray for - my soul has quieted some but i still struggle - pray for me.

waking in the dawn soul wrestling
soul singing
my thoughts and words turn to the divine
turn to OUR father
seeking His face, fading back to sleep
to dream land
He is with me

snowfall

snowfall, originally uploaded by daibew.

i'm having some trouble with my camera, this is the only photo that came out halfway decent from last weeks epic snowfall. the burms in the driveway are about 7 ft high and i'm eager to build some snow tunnels and caves. looks like more snow this week!

sunday night i had a fairly vivid dream and even today i can remember most of it, which is a miracle in and of itself. the dream starts with Matt handing me a red report folder with clear cover, you know the ones you used for reports in elementary school, the paper inside was an evaluation of me given by the facilitors and students of a class i had just finished. The first few items were evalauted on some weird number scale and i had received 11, 4, 7. Next was mention of shown weaknesses during the class and at this point it wasn't so much written as i could hear non-descript voices saying that i continually swallowed when speaking and needed to work on my verbal communication skills. The last item i remember was a strength/gift or something that stood out and there written on the page was the word "spirituality" and the meaning in the dream behind it was that i had the potential to be "in tune" with God in some sort of uber sense, and the back story was exactly that it was potential.

interesting............

the new year has turned and i've spent the last 4 days up at kwood (kirkwood), i'll post some photo's later - i think the word for the last 4 days would have to be epic. Epic snow (about 10 feet in 4 days), epic adventure (10+ hrs in the car). The journey here was took over a day when usually it takes 3 hours. Road closures and traffic pushed us around the back entrance and even then the road was still officially closed, nevertheless we pursued. and the amount of snow here is incredible. boarding in the powder is indescribeable - like you're floating on clouds down the mountain. today i went down the "2 sisters" shoot - which was awesome - you have to hike around the backside of the ridge and the winds were howling you feel totally isolated as few venture out there - i imagined what it would be like to climb everest while i was back there - crazy fun.