i'm constantly looking to see what my next step might be - what direction should my life go in? I've often wished I was a talented musician, painter, writer or something - then I know at least what I could focus my energy on. Hone my craft per se. Maybe it's the appreciation I seek - feeling like I have something people want - to be wanted. A quality no doubt common to us all. Alas I am none of those - instead I have the gift of being a scatter brain whose passion is music, painting, writing, the outdoors, people, sports, cooking, carpentry, travel, foriegn language, teaching, learning, books, movies, academia, - well my passion is life. In the past I've been doing them all trying to figure out which one to narrow down into. Today after wrestling more with my identity, inadequacy, etc. I think I will continue to pursue them all; with all the more vigor. I will continue to suck the marrow from life learning of people's stories as I navigate between sub-cultures - finding the beauty of life's parallel stories found in them all. Perhaps I'm meant to navigate them all and somehow be a part of the collective moving forward. Seems to fit with my boundless energy, varied interests and allows the freedom to engage in all of it. Sounds appealing to me - I can now make my cake and eat it as well.
What I need to play with is how to keep it from becoming a purely hedonistic, epicurean adventure. Truly it must be something that forms my heart in the way of love and allows for the love of the Master to spread by His grace through me. It should, as I've been learning lately, be an adventure of servanthood, a life of service and support.
so we'll see.........
------
"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."
- Mitch Hedberg
2 comments:
whatever you do, you can always aim to love the people in the context you find yourself. and repenting from sin sometimes seems like a job enough. but i understand your thoughts well. hang in there. keep going. it's a journey and i wish i had the answers myself. it's good that you can appreciate diversity. that's an awesome gift.
well, i appreciate the fact that you want to be appreciated, and i also appreciate the fact that you appreciate.
Post a Comment