Reflection

Here's a unedited reflection I wrote last night on the race:

Ironman CDA 08. What an experience. I learned something today about the power of human will and the I think the nature of our humanity. I fear that I will have a difficult time communicating it in such a way that is translatable. I will give it my best shot. Today was my third Ironman and by far the most challenging. My training had only been about 6-7 weeks; the last two weeks being drown out by other responsibilities. The very last week was very full and I had little time to keep my body limber and loose for the race. All week my muscles ached and felt tight and the little I could do didn't seem to help much. The race however won't wait, and I've been in somewhat similar situations and figured in such a long race my body would eventually loosen up.

The morning started off in a somewhat normal, aside from the fact that Chad's fiance forget to change the time on her watch so woke us at 3am instead of 4am. But breakfast went well and besides feeling a little stiff I thought I would be okay. The swim went off as it usually does. Two thousand people running into each turning the lake into a washing machine. As is typical for me I don't really loosen up on the swim until about half way through, only today it took a bit longer and I was fighting a side cramp. Out of the water at 1:10 and into the bike transition. Once on the bike everything was tight. My hamstrings, my hip abductors, my back, my neck, my chest, at any moment I thought my whole body might cramp up. I've been here before and sometimes it loosens up. Not today. Today the entire bike ride was absolutely miserable. It was 112 miles of body agony and at about 2 and half hours in I contemplated quitting. I had to fight that feeling for the next 3.5 hours. I've never felt so close to quitting as I did today. It's hard to describe the feeling inside when you're body hurts so bad all you want to is stop curl up in the fetal position and sleep. Somehow I made it through. Somehow. I made it. I felt like absolute shit in the transition area from bike to run. Dizzy, headache and my body shutting down. Run I must. I started out and it was slow going, very slow. At one point I went into a port-a-potty and the whole thing felt like it was moving.

Inside the thought was I have to save this run. I cannot give in as I've done in the past. So I stopped ate some pretzels, some broth, two cups of gatorade and internally decided that I am going to push through. I am going to finish this race on shear will power. It got me through the bike and it will get me through this run. If it means I fall over in cramps so be it, if I throw up and faint bring it on. And push I did, something inside of me took over. Call it the internal animal, call it what you will, it took over and I transcended pain. Somehow, someway it left my body and a power and energy emerged the like's of which I've glimpsed in the past. Our will is incredibly strong and if we are willing to harness it, it can bring us to new peaks of our existence.

People ask why I do it, and I have many responses to that question. Today I would say it's because we are meant to suffer and experience pain because it opens us to living power that is breathed in us.