wrestling

"When I wake up in the morning I can't decide whether to enjoy the world or
improve the world; that makes it difficult to plan the day." (E.B. White)


Chad and I arrived in Coeur d'Alene yesterday afternoon. Yesterday's drive was breath taking. Rolling green hills, majestic canyons, and wild flowers that ignite your eyes. Somehow inspite of all that I'm really wrestling with being here. My mind is constantly returning to what's going on in SF and thinking through our work there. It really is a bizarre twist to be fighting to enjoy vacation but that's the place I'm in at the moment and I'm not sure what to do with it. It has me wondering about new organizational structures. How they change from week to week, even day to day, and how I want to be there for all of it. Wrapped up in this somewhere is my ego I'm sure - wanting to control and have influence and taking that away, even for a while, is messing with me. Not good. I want my value to come from my connection to the Creator. On the flip side of this, it seems I've found what I really want to do in this season of life. So much so that taking an extended break is difficult. In the middle of all these thoughts, the tangible is sleepless nights and a distracted mind.

Breath deep. Relax. This experience is valuable (i hope).