of late

My impending trip is now less than a week away, and in conjunction time is moving fast. There is always that sense of wanting to lay to rest a certain list of things before embarking on a journey of any duration. Ah to lay to rest that list. Even if I don't, I will still board a plane on Sunday and life will move on. Despite the pressure I place on myself, I won't be flogged, or mistreated b/c I didn't accomplish everything. One thing I can't really cross of the list is Ironman training. I'm leaving for Guinea-Bissau in what is the supposed critical training time. How it will impact the race in June is left to be discovered. I have to admit I do fret over it a bit, b/c when race time goes I do want to have an allstar performance, but truly is there added value in that? Yes I could have staid behind and trained harder and better, but at a cost of not going to Africa and realizing some other goals I have. At the risk of not opening myself to something that will inevitably impact my life in more ways than I can foresee. In some ways, I want to stay and go through the routine of life. To further "establish" myself, my life, my place, but then again what does that mean. I also want to break out of routine to remind myself, that it's not about my routine or establishing my identity in what I do.

I find myself at an interesting intersection in life, always full of angst about "what I'm supposed" to do with my life - yet enjoying what I am doing with my life. As I read my current situation I find some interesting overlaps. It seems across the board I'm involved in either start-up ventures or organizations restructuring themselves and implementing new business strategies/models. In this moment I want to soak it all in and pay attention to the lessons at hand. I hope to some day be in a place where I can help others in starting ventures in this new world of ours and right now I'm in school. So, as much as I'd like to be doing that now, it seems patience is the order of the day.