i sometimes contemplate the meaning or purpose behind this blog - wondering if the sometimes more personal writings belong here. this is my voice to you - my cry out - i often hold things within until someone asks as i'm not interested in sharing unless you're interested in listening. that's what i feel this blog provides. a place where i can share and if you're interested you come to read.
the seemingly unrationality of it all doesn't take away from the tatteredness i feel within. in this snapshot i'm a deep soul looking for rest, for comfort, for interest from those around me. the journey wears on my soul, i carry my cross the best i know how often picking up extra baggage along the way. often i long for particular people to listen only to be left wanting. in this place i want to let out a barbaric cry, in this place it's the hope that propels me to the next day, in this place i sit longing for a touch. in this place i question my dreams, my hopes, my place.
4 comments:
do you feel as if people know what to ask? how to ask? when to ask?
do you ask? It's a tough balance. let me know if you figure it out. i even feel funny posting, is this real, i mean real human connection? allure of something that isn't, or is, plastic?
peace
i'm not sure if the 'what' is so much the important part, but more the intent to find out - for me life is pretty messy so if the question is timed or asked somewhat awkwardly my experience has been it moves out of awkwardness.
i like to think i do ask - although i know i fail, i try to get a grasp of people's "state" when i'm talking with them, the phrases they use, the intonations in their voice, and go by that for the questions i ask. i consciously make an effort to find out about people's lives, and all i'm looking for is people to the same. to some degree i've found that in blogging, in that it allows for people to "check in" with you at their convenience and if something intrigues them or whatever they can leave a comment or better yet make a phone call or send an email. but again i think it could come down to can they find out? i wonder about our capacity as people to invest in others, what are the limits? if you put a lot of effort here, what over there suffers?
it's a very tough balance and this side of the river i don't think we can figure it out. we just need to have charity for people.
Its an even tougher thing to juggle for you given your unique social dynamic and the juxtaposition of Kwood and here. "I wonder about our capacity as people to invest in others, what are the limits?" I think the only limitation that exists is the one I allow. I believe that personal postings break down these self-established boundaries to a certain extent. It isn't meant to be a substitute for personl contact or human connection but can be another dynamic for inter-personal relations.
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