Last week I spent a lot of time driving to the South Bay - too much if you ask me, but it did at least afford me time to think. As I drove home one evening it occurred to me that I have not been blogging, writing poetry or otherwise been creatively expressive of late. I also have not been able to run or cycle because of my knee and I made a connection. My running and cycling are truly meditative times where I'm able to let the mind go and simply be in what I'm doing. It recharges me and allows my body, soul and mind to be replenished. The absence of this time has affected my reflective time and hence my time where I would normally create. I've said it many times before (as have others), the integration of our being never ceases to amaze me. I always knew those times were special to me but I now have greater appreciation.
Tonight we had our annual budget share/money vulnerability as a community. No matter how much I curb my spending I feel like I spend too much and suck at following a budget. Even more so, I'm left feeling a little heavy in the chest b/c I see the direct correlation to vocation in this world. And my main means of making money, at the moment at least, is through computer support. Really?! Is that true? How did I end up here? Lately I've been trying to identify some good streams in this work; as I typically see it as impersonal, uncreative, and rote. I'm struggling. I'm feeling more and more that if I'm ever to jump off this train that I must do it now, this is the opportune time. So I strive to take lofty dreams of soup lounges, outdoor camps & some sort of guru/teacher into reality. I can see movement but its always slower and more convoluted than I hope.
Let it be.
2 comments:
i'm reading a book about running right now and in one of the chapters the author mentioned running and creativity...why don't i just include it here:
"Many great artists and thinkers have been avid exercisers-Einstein, Thoreau, Wordsworth...Perhaps what running offers the thinker and the artist is an opportunity for time and solitude away from distractions and disruptions of everyday life. Running makes us feel strong and gives us the courage to step into the sometimes-scary creative places in our minds. Maybe it is the return to innocence that opens us to free thinking. When we run, we become the blank slate and anything may be written upon us...There's something about a run that blows out the accumulation of mind dust, clears the window of mental vision, and simply invigorates the workings of your mind." -Claire Kowalchick
I sympathize with your job restlessness. May you find time soon to channel it in motion, poetry and good relationships all around. As you reflect that your work seems "impersonal", I'm reminded to be openly appreciative of those whose help I ask for, need or like. I believe I am more fulfilled in being a computer user, but I also faint at the sight of error messages. And so I offer my universal thanks to you and all computer "paramedics".
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